For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So much rum. So many feels.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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