i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
