if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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