Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
