Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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