I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize