If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
