I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
