you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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