Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
