A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
