I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
