This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
