im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
