yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
