hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize