If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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