Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This baby is an asshole
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
