In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
