What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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