I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
