Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
