it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
how drunk are you?
Several
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
