Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
