Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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