the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
