Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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