So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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