so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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