Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
