ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
