before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
