grandma shit on top of the toilet
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
