Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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