I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize