Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
