Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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