he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
