don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
