it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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