i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize