thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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