6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize