who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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