The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
