i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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