paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
