i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
