Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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