last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
