Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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