It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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