I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
