The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
