I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
