He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
