I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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