please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
