I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
