I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
