it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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