saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
