her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
