i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
