Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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