it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
