I just made out with a guy for $7.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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