Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
