"it" just moved
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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