apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
