Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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