Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
