I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
